Toast/Roast for Jesse

Since this blog is a repository for good memories, I'm going to add in here the toast I gave to my good friend Jesse this past Saturday at his wedding.  I had a lot of fun putting it together and got good feedback from his friends and family.  It definitely was satisfying to see it come together and be received well.

"Jesse's Three Qualities that Made Him a Bad Roommate, But Will Make Him a Great Husband"

First, Jesse is a true Renaissance Man.  And I'm not using that term lightly.  The range of his skills, talents and hobbies is simply amazing.  Of course, the best part about being a Renaissance Man is that women love you.  Unfortunately, there are some serious drawbacks when you're one of the roommates of the Renaissance Man.  You end up looking a little bland and boring. 

To show you what we had to compete with, here's just a brief sampling of what Jesse's afternoon might look like.  He'd return home from school where he was studying both plant biology and history.  He'd pull up in a Toyota Land Cruiser which contained an engine he had rebuilt by hand himself.  He'd then go on a 15 mile run.  Returning home, he'd work in his bonsai garden in the backyard and then put on some opera music and cook up an amazing gourmet meal.  He'd then head over to band practice--where he played the bass.  In the evening, he'd then do some pleasure-reading which always of course involved classic literature.  The year I lived with him, he not only finished off the complete works of Solzhenitsyn, but he also knocked out the major works of Tolstoy.  This was a tough act to follow.  However, Jamie, you will never be bored together with this guy in the decades to come.

Second, Jesse has a razor-sharp mind and a near-photographic memory.  For the most part, he used his God-given gifts for good--graduating summa cum laude, becoming a doctor.  But he also used his powerful brain to unfair advantage.  Whenever he'd talk with attractive young women at church or at school, he'd be able to store away the details of whatever it was they were telling him.  And then a couple weeks later when he'd run into them again, he'd be able to ask, "So, Suzie, Cindy, etc. how did your midterm go last Thursday at 2.30pm with Professor Snitzer?  Is your cat Fluffy doing better after her vet appointment yesterday?"  The girls loved this, but we roommates simply couldn't compete.  Jamie, however, will definitely benefit with this because you can just tell Jesse:  "Pick up these 20 items from the store" and if he focuses a bit, you'll be set.

Finally, the third quality that made Jesse a bad roommate but which will make him a great husband, is the fact that he is a very selfless and generous guy.  On many, many occasions when the dishes were piling up and none of the other four roommates were doing anything about it--Jesse always would step in and take care of it.  The same thing would happen with the trash: a bunch of bags would build up and then Jesse would take them out.  He also--on so many occasions--would serve us up the excellent meals he had cooked, and they were always infinitely better than what we were eating.  The downside of all this was that we always felt guilty (even though Jesse didn't intend us to).  But the huge upside for Jamie was that she'll be able to enjoy a servant-hearted man around the house--and many great meals--for decades to come.


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